(deleted some posts for some reasons, eheh)
my life? it's a mess. friends? ha, maybe they're ashamed of having me as their friends. who knows aye? i'm not good enough, i'm sorry. i can't stand another day like this. i'm so tired of being in pain, ya Allah, you know that i'm trying my best..
''There was a girl who were in love with a boy. One day, that boy promised her that he would never cheat on her. But he cheated."
Then, she fell in love with another boy.
He promised her that he would never leave her alone. He promised her that he would never hurt her. But he left.
She was completely broken. And then she fell in love with a boy who thick with sweetness of bullshits. He lied.
Why do people have to tell lies? ''
i understand. i understand, men are so beautiful. but bare this is mind, your heart is so fragile. you can't get attached to somebody so fast. you can't fall for their words so fast. and the most important thing is, you can't put your key of happiness in someone else's pocket. aint worth it. and don't let them know you're hurting because they probably don't care or maybe never do. don't give someone sanctification of watching you suffer. maybe you can tell them your story & be grieve but the ugly truth is; they never know how it feels like. how it feels to be you. how it feels when sadness come & destroy everything.
i shouldn't let myself fall in love, though. this is what i get in return; pain. i'm sorry if i ever push you away, its just i'm trying really hard really really hard not to get hurt again. i'm scared, because losing people is just too much pain for me & i don't want that anymore. but.. .
it's time for me to stop grieving about something that is worthless, it's time for me to enjoy every second of life. i'll try my best to keep trying to stay positive even if it's hard and be happy when experiencing rough time. but there's only one thing i don't want to stop; remembering all the memories with someone who used to be so special in my life. memories with friends, him & family.
i'm just gonna accept the fact that people change & feelings fade but only the memories last. i'm tired of grieving, pointing & blaming myself. it's time for me to realized that i'm good enough. i'm in love with myself & i'm closing my heart for someone who is worth. and no one can ever tell the opposite. i'm trying the best i could. people, just don't drop it, okay?
Allah, help me get through this.
