heartache. brokenhearted—
how my 2014 ends. how my past year ends. tak apa, dah biasa.
a year ago today, "happy new year sayang, we will make it to 22nd june 2014." weird, isnt it? if you love them, you should never hurt them. but oh dear, you hurt me. i shouldve get the clue. i shouldve known better. i mean, wow. but actually you never really hurt me; you know my demons well enough you shut them out better than i do. the saddest part is, i know eventually youll get tired if them and yes, i was right. you left without closing the door. almost a year now, i havent gotten any better.
im sorry you did.
your "forever" is still here, stuck in my head. you said we would be forever but sweetheart, we all know forever never lasts. i started 2014 with you and end it alone. how is that forever, darling? im sorry i swear i never meant to be this person.
i still think about dying and some days i still slit my wrist but i am trying as hard as i can to be a better person i am trying as hard as i can to stop hating myself, but please, give me some time. if only-
if only, my wrists were clean, maybe if my mind wasnt full of sad thoughts, maybe if i slept at night instead of staying up contemplating suicide, maybe if i didnt rely on a blade so much maybe you wouldve stayed.
2014 aka not my year aka the worst. sad to leave 2014 but too much heartbreaks and heartaches in a year i feel like kms. ive lost too much in a year and i think ive had enough but i survived this shit-2014-hole. another year another pain another drama yadayada fuck you & happy new year.
goals: not mess things up
